It’s important for you to notice what and how well your child understands what is said to him versus how well he picks up clues from situations.?Why is it important??If your child does not understand language, he isn’t going to use language well for his age.

Many parents have told me during speech-language assessments, “Oh, he knows where to throw away the tissue after he wipes his nose.”?On closer examination, it becomes apparent that the child does not understand the spoken direction, “Go throw your tissue in the trash,” but rather that he has learned what he is supposed to do and always does-throw the tissue in the trash.

There are many things families do routinely in their homes.?Many children who don’t understand spoken language well are fairly good at learning some of these routines.?They know where things are, they know what to do with them, and they know what action follows another.

If you really want to know what your child understands and how well she understands, you have to check it out in an unfamiliar/non-routine situation without pointing to or looking at the thing you are talking about.?For example, a child might understand, “Get the spoon,” if it just fell on the floor, and she heard it fall, but she might not understand, “Get the spoon” if you say it “out of the blue” while standing in the middle of the kitchen away from the location of the spoons.?This is a test and not a teaching step, but it is important for you to find out.?

Here I will share with you some steps to follow to help your child learn to understand and follow directions that you give.?You need to go on to the next step only if your child did not follow the direction–either he didn’t understand, or he didn’t comply.?Praise him as soon as he does what you asked by saying the key words again in your praise, for example, “Good!?You put your shoes over by the door.”?

Here’s a hierarchy to follow:

State a direction without adding any gestures. Restate the direction using the same words so he has another chance to process the same words. Restate the direction using the same words and providing gestures or demonstration of what he is to do. Say the direction a different way, perhaps providing more information. Say it again and assist him to do it ["hand over hand"-your hands guiding him through the task.] As he is doing the task, comment, “That’s it!?Your are putting your jacket on the chair.” [or whatever it is you asked him to do] Remember to praise when done using the words from the first presentation of the direction:?”Good-you put your jacket on the chair.”

Give your child directions to follow throughout the day that are at his level of understanding, gradually making them more challenging either by making them longer or saying them in ways you haven’t tried before.?Get his attention and then state the direction without pointing or otherwise gesturing.?Use the hierarchy as needed to help him succeed.?

As your child learns to understand more of what you say, his expressive language skills are likely to increase, also.?

By: Mary Lou Johnson

The choice to solicit Denver home health services is never an easy one. It is hard for us to admit that the people who were once our caretakers now need someone to help them out. However, home care services Denver work to make the transition from independent living to semi-independent go as smooth as possible.

Even with the above, there is no clear cut answer as to when the time is right to start thinking about hiring a home care Denver based agency. However, the following can help serve as a guide:

Is Your Parent a Danger to Himself or Herself? If your parent has become a danger to his or her self, it is time to look into elder care services Denver based. Even if the danger is small, Denver home health services are worth considering. Some of these dangers might include leaving stove burners on, falling asleep with cigarettes in their mouth, forgetting to lock doors, having a difficult time going downstairs and a tendency to forget where they are.

Is Your Parent Too Much to Handle? You may feel that, in lieu of hiring elder care Denver based services, it is your responsibility to help your parents yourself. While this is a noble way of thinking, it is not often a realistic one. If you are unable to give your parent the attention they need, it is only fair for you and them that you seek out home elder care services Denver based to give you a hand.

Does Your Parent Require Medical Attention? The older we get, the more likely we are to need some sort of medical attention. When this attention is around the clock, a Denver agency for in-home care is a great option. With a home care Denver agency, caregivers are trained healthcare professionals who can help your parent take medications, get to doctors appointments, eat the proper diet and refrain from activities they should not be engaging in. An elder care Denver based agency is a great way for your loved one to get the attention you might not be able to provide them.

Is Your Parent Lonely or in Need of Companionship? Sometimes, you may want to seek the services of a home care Denver agency simply because your parent asks you to. If your parent feels lonely, isolated or longs for companionship, a home Denver agency is a great option. The caregivers at home care Denver agencies are trained companions. They are a great option if your parent is looking for someone with whom to engage with.

The home care Denver agencies are an ideal way to get your parent the assistance they need without uprooting their lives. Elder care Denver based is compassionate, thorough and designed for your parent to maintain a sense of home and independence.

By: Susan Slobac

When you hear the term “Three Rs” you are probably thinking of reading, writing, ‘rithmetic.?I’m thinking of three other Rs related to parents helping their children learn to talk better.?They are routines, rushing, and repetition.?Two are good-one isn’t.

Routines – children need them and benefit from them.?

Children like and learn from being able to predict what is going to happen to them.?They are powerless-enough beings as it is.?For some children, randomness in their lives is unsettling at best.?Some children take control when there isn’t enough control provided to give them the boundaries they need.?When children exert control over what they eat; when, how, and where they will sleep; who will pay attention to whom; and so on, the negative effect on the well-being of a family can be huge.?It can be very difficult for such a child to learn well until the balance of power shifts back to the parent.?Of course, I am referring to a kind, nurturing parent who has the best interests of his or her child in mind.?I am not talking about a mean or irrational form of parental control.?

My advice is to build predictable routines into your child’s daily life.?Bedtimes and nap times should occur around the same time daily.?

Mealtimes should also occur around the same times daily and preferably should be at home.?Eating in restaurants (or in the car!) provides too many distractions and too much inconsistency in interactions.?Mealtimes provide rich opportunities for regular language and speech stimulation.?Food can be very motivating for children!?

Bath time, play times, book times, outside times should all be planned and eagerly anticipated.?

Rushing – Children don’t need this.

You hurry to do things at home in order to hurry to pick someone up or to go to a store or to meet someone somewhere or to get to an appointment or to get to a restaurant or to go to church or to go to the gym or to go to daycare or to go to someone’s house to play… Phew!?I’m worn out just reading all of these things much less living them.?

Rushing usually creates (from parents) urging, “pushing,” yelling, etc., and (from children) resisting, crying, whining, etc.?Rushing isn’t conducive to getting down to the child’s level, focusing on the child’s interests, talking calmly, feeling satisfied.?Family harmony can suffer from rushing.

I urge all parents to take a close and careful look at their days and their child’s days and see if there is too much rushing and racing every which way.?Even if all of the same events have to happen (picking up other children at school, going to appointments, going to the recreation center, going to the store, etc.,) see if allowing some extra time to calmly get ready to go and talking calmly during activities will give you and your child a new feeling of warm satisfaction for the closeness and benefits of your interactions.

Repetition – Children benefit from repetition of activities and repetition of words.

Repetition is an effective teaching tool.?When a child can hear a new word many times in a short period of time, and when that word is spoken while something interesting is happening that the word relates to, then the child has a greater chance of learning that word.

Routines and repetition provide increased chances for your child to get a language “hook” into what is going on around her.?Rushing does the opposite-it prevents parents from focusing in on their children and chips away at opportunities to “seize the moment” in routine and special activities to make them learning events.

By: Mary Lou Johnson

Most of us are familiar with relationships in which one person desperately pursues a partner who creates distance or is unavailable. In a variation on those straightforward roles, some couples do a dance in which one person pursues a distant partner and then the dynamic flips so that the pursuer becomes unavailable or uninterested and the distant partner becomes the desperate pursuer. If we’re watching such relationships, it can seem impossible to make sense of what’s going on. And worse, if we’re in one of these relationships it can be totally crazy-making and create an overwhelming sense of despair. So what is going on with pursuers and distancers? Part of the answer to that question lies in what we learned in our early relationships. As children we all have emotional needs to be loved and accepted for who we are, and to be encouraged to develop into individuals. However, to a greater or lesser extent, our parents (or primary caregivers) fail to act according to our best interests and instead act from their emotional needs and insecurities. These failures in turn help to establish our ways of being in relationships.

In general, our ways of being were adaptive in that they ensured we got as much love, care, or attention from our parents as possible. Another facet of how we behave in relationships is about asserting our unmet emotional needs. This facet was also learned based on whether and how it was acceptable or safe to express our needs as children. In our current relationships unmet needs can be legitimate adult needs combined with carried unmet needs from our past.

Pursuers

We all have a lifelong need for connection and intimacy. However, if as adults we feel desperate for love, connection, or validation, our parents may have been incapable of being close to us or acknowledging that we were special and unique beings. If our parents were abandoning or rejecting, as adults we may feel desperate to establish and maintain connections even if they’re unhealthy. Needing to desperately pursue love may reflect some of the following:

We have a fear of abandonment or rejection tied to a traumatic absence or loss of love in our childhood. This fear can be intense and visceral and feel like our very survival is being threatened. We need to be chosen by our partner (or any partner) or we feel worthless or that we have no identity. This lack of self-esteem or sense of self is tied to not being validated as a child or to it not being safe to develop and express a unique self as a child. We are recreating the relationship dynamics from our childhood. This compulsion to recreate serves several purposes. When we choose someone unavailable or rejecting we hope for a different outcome. If they choose us, we will prove that our parents were wrong and that we are worthly of love. Recreating childhood relationship dynamics provides a situation in which we can continue to broadcast our unmet needs. It also keeps us from coming face to face with the unspoken messages of not having had our needs met and it keeps us from feeling the grief of not having been cared for or loved well.
Distancers

If we desperately need distance in our adult relationships, our parents may have been too emotionally close or demanding when we were children. Such emotional closeness or demands were not about our needs as children but were about our parents’ needs. Our parents may have needed us to behave in strictly defined ways or to achieve or accomplish things. They may have looked to us to care for them emotionally. They may have controlled us through emotional manipulation or abuse to manage their own anxieties, insecurities, or emotional frailty. Needing to create distance in relationships can reflect some of the following:

We feel like we’re being smothered or engulfed in relationships, tied to never being allowed to develop or express ourselves. Early relationships were about the other person and being close equated to losing or stifling ourselves. We feel like the relationship and its demands will drown us. This sense is tied to our needs not being acknowledged and to inappropriately being asked to manage an adult’s needs as a child. Being in a relationship triggers feeling angry and resentful because we expect to have our needs for love, caring, and nurturing denied based on our early experiences. We have a compulsion to establish and hold on to a separate self, and the only way we know how to or feel safe doing that is through activities and behaviors that put up walls. Some of the ways we may create distance in relationships include substance use, affairs, being grandiose or contemptuous, or pursuing outside interests obsessively.

On-again Off-again

What about those of us who flip-flop between desperately needing a partner and then retreating and creating distance once we have a degree of closeness? If as children we were required to deny our needs, to become needless and wantless, because our parents couldn’t handle our demands or shamed us about having needs, we may have the same desperate need for love talked about above. However, when we approach closeness, we may experience intense anxiety related to:

Close relationships are unfamiliar and uncomfortable
We’ve been taught that it’s not okay to have needs and wants or to have them honored We have internalized shame from being told indirectly that we’re not worthy of having our needs and wants met As we move toward intimacy, we feel that our shameful secrets are going to be exposed, which increases the perceived risk of rejection and abandonment Creating distance in response to these anxieties in turn triggers our desperate need to pursue love and connection, perpetuating the cycle.

As difficult as these dynamics are, it is possible to move beyond them. Healing requires understanding the legacy of our childhood relationships, grieving what we didn’t receive, learning to honor our needs and wants in our adult relationships, and practicing taking risks with closeness, intimacy, and vulnerability. Author and therapist Pia Mellody talks about the distancing/pursuing dynamic in terms of Love Dependency (or Love Addiction) and Love Avoidance. She does an excellent job in several of her books explaining how these tendencies get established in our childhood relationships and the process of recovery (see my Recommended Reading List at www.hlcounseling.com).

By: Heather Leavesley

The news that health clinics at six Denver schools are considering distributing birth control to students will no doubt be a source of controversy, no matter how you feel about the issue. The fact is that teen pregnancy is a real issue in Denver schools and we should applaud measures that will deal with it head on.

Denver Schools Should Not Teach Morals

The role of educators at Denver schools is not to attempt to teach the students morals. That responsibility lies with the students’ parents. Instead, Denver schools can teach students to consider the consequences of their actions in all aspects of their lives, including decisions they are making concerning whether or when to become sexually active.

Critics of the proposed plan to offer birth control in Denver schools’ health clinics state that offering these products will only encourage students to have sex. The fact is that curiosity about sexuality is a normal reaction as young people go through adolescence, whether they receive information about birth control or not. Trying to ignore the issue doesn’t make it go away.

The fact is that students attending Denver schools can and do have sex. Let’s accept that fact and give them the information they need if they decide to go ahead and be intimate with someone else. The rate of teen pregnancy needs to be brought down; girls who are unable to complete their education are more likely to be facing a future on social benefits or in low-paying jobs. That ends up affecting all of us.

Health Clinics at Denver Schools Should Meet Students’ Needs

The role of the health clinics at Denver schools should be prepared to meet the needs of the people they serve. In this case, the students need to be able to receive counseling and birth control. This is a health issue; not a morality issue

Students attending Denver schools may not be able to discuss dating, birth control, and sexuality issues with their parents. They need a safe place to go where they can get this much-needed information in a supportive, nonjudgmental atmosphere. Healthcare workers can educate students about the possible consequences of becoming sexually active at an early age and it is certainly possible that armed with this information, some students may choose to delay it. Those who decide to go ahead will be better able to practice safer sex strategies, because someone took the time to explain to them exactly what this means.

When health clinics at Denver schools are at the point where they are seeing girls who are requesting pregnancy tests on a regular basis that is truly a cause for concern. Let’s give these health clinics the ability to provide for their clients properly and allow them to dispense birth control at Denver schools.

By: Patricia Hawke