Dating? — Body Language Matters! Interviewing? — Body Language Matters! Need To Influence Others? — Body Language Matters!
Crystal Jonas, Emotional Intelligence Expert Body language tells the world all about you. To make a good impression in an interview or on a date, manage your body language with these tips. Before an interview or going on a date or ANY encounter where you care about how you’re perceived, in other words, most of life’s situations, know that you speak volumes before you ever open your mouth.
Prepare for the interview or date or meeting by asking yourself:
*How would I like the other person (people) to think of me?
* What can I do to positively influence that perception?
Body language managed well, provides so many simple and easy ways to POSITIVELY influence others!
Let’s take a look at a few:
As you know, people interpret first through their eyes. How you look matters.
Consider your style of dress. Is it appropriate to the situation? If you’re going on an interview and it’s a creative company, be sure your clothing says, “I’m creative, unique, interesting.” Interviewing at a bank? Conservative suit with dark colors and a light shirt/blouse are still the right approach. They say, “I’m trustworthy and dependable.”
By the way, make sure your clothes fit. Seriously, this business of wearing a size smaller than your body looks good in is NOT the way to go. Too tight clothing actually undermines your professional appearance.
I have a coaching client who lives in Denver, so I’m able to coach her in person at least once a month. When we’d known each other three months, she confided that one of the areas she wanted coaching in was heath and weight management.
“You’re kidding.” Was my honest reaction. She is so good at dressing for her figure, I had no idea she was carrying 20 plus more pounds than she was comfortable with! (I still thought she looked great, but that’s my opinion.) My surprise at her request says a lot about how much dressing smartly does for you.
How about your grooming? Hair, nails, teeth, all need to be taken care of here folks. You’d be surprised at how often my coaching clients who are managers want some tips on how to discretely tell employees that they need to groom themselves better. No kidding! This is probably one of the most frequently asked embarrassing questions I get.
Did you know that many health problems stem from poor dental care? What’s interesting is that people will subconsciously draw conclusions about your health and suitability as an employee, friend, or date based on dental hygiene. So keep those twice annual dental cleanings up to date!
Next non-verbal message to consider: your posture. Yep, Mom was right. Stand up straight.
Think about this, how you hold your body has profound influence on your state of mind. This in turn influences mood and behavior, and of course, how people see you.
Now here’s a cool thing about your posture. If you’re ever in a funk, let’s say you’re in a bad mood, or you’re nervous, or feeling down, you can change this with posture!
Sure enough, how you hold your body will impact your emotions, your mood and the impression others have of you.
For an instant self-esteem boost, try this, stand up straight and imagine there’s a golden tread running through your body and up your head keeping your posture beautifully straight.
Heard of “Pilates posture”? That’s when you put your shoulders down and back (think, make more space between your ears and your shoulders – shoulders are NOT earrings!) and imagine there’s a magnet in your head and one in the ceiling, gently lifting you up as you straighten your back.
Keep your chin up, your feet solidly planted, and think “I feel good, and I’m so glad to be here. I’m glad you’re here, too.”
Consider another non-verbal clue that influences the impression others have of you. In short, promptness matters!
Over the last 19 years as an Assistant Professor then later a consultant, I’ve lost count over how many seminars, workshops and hours of coaching and consulting I’ve given on the topic of time management.
But here’s something you might be shocked to learn: Many professionals are late not because of being scattered or not caring about the meeting, but because they’re trying to squeeze out one more phone call or email before going to that meeting.
Sound familiar?
Big mistake! Not only are you short-changing the person on the other end of the call you’re squeezing in, you’re also almost certainly going to be late to the meeting.
Nobody wants to listen to your explanation behind why you’re late. Trust me on this. Don’t even bother.
But I will tell you this: In many workshops I’ve given for companies all across the country, I often ask the participants to give their impressions of someone who comes in late to meetings.
Here are some of the most frequent responses: “They don’t care about the people in the meeting.” “They disrespect the person who called the meeting.” “They resent having to be there.” “They want to draw attention to themselves by showing up late.” (Yikes!) “They’re overwhelmed and can’t get their schedule together.” – Note this, if the higher ups see you walking in late to meetings, they’re very likely to think, “She/He can’t handle the workload they have now, not the person to promote to more responsibility!”
So, yes, timeliness matters. Remember, it’s better to be a little early than a second late!
Your gestures speak volumes. The only tricky part is, you’re often not aware of them. You’re going to need a trusted friend (who’s really blunt!) to give you some feedback on gestures.
I recommend to my executive coaching clients and clients who are looking to get promoted that they literally practice confident gestures.
Here’s a fun tip for this. First, note someone truly successful whom you and others admire. Now, how does she (or he) gesture? Where does she hold her hands when talking, when emphasizing a point? Now, go practice! It’s a fun and easy technique to master.
Eye contact speaks volumes. It’s said that “the eyes are the mirror to the soul.” It’s hard to trust someone who won’t look you in the eye, and in fact, the lack of eye contact is often associated with dishonesty at worst, and low self-esteem at best.
Again, go back to those people you admire and note how they hold eye contact.
The best news about eye contact is that you have so many opportunities to practice! Practice appropriate eye contact with everyone you encounter. Know that even if you’re shy, you can master this quickly. I’ve often had my shy coaching clients tell me it’s easy to practice on strangers and then work their way up to more eye contact with people they know. Interesting!
Let’s wrap this up with attention. Your degree of attention lets your conversational partner know how engaged you are in the discussion.
To be perceived as attentive, remember to lean forward a bit, subtly mirror the other person’s body language, and follow their conversation with appropriate comments and questions.
When in doubt, remember the old saying that “It’s better to be interested than interesting.”
By: Crystal M. Jonas