I call it “Golden Boy/Girl Syndrome”: Someone you work with in your office has been singled out by your boss as exceptional and deserving of special consideration and, perhaps, additional perks and compensation you and your co-workers do not receive. Golden Boys and Girls, for reasons unknown to you and others who actually work on a day-to-day basis with them and see what they do and, importantly, do not, do, are viewed by management as wonderful and very competent people who can do no wrong.
A different set of rules seems to apply to these people; during tight budget times, they receive perks removed from others, and although others are required to be accessible on weekends and evenings, Golden Boys and Girls are exempt. Of course, if these people were was really doing a remarkable job and working really hard, their reputations would be deserved and understandable, but in the Golden Boy/Girls case, the anointed ones are not pulling their weight, but are just really good at kissing up to your boss, appearing to be busy at key times while producing very little, and promoting themselves shamelessly to your boss and others.
In the meantime, you have your head down, are working your tail off, playing by the rules, and expect to be rewarded for doing that, but instead, the Golden Boys and Girls get the larger raise, get more budget in their areas, are provided with additional professional development resources, and gets publicly praised. What on earth are you supposed to do when you find yourself in a situation like this? How do you keep up your morale, remain a team-player, and cope with this situation? One clear option is to find another job, but in a tough job market like today’s, this may not be a realistic strategy. Here are some suggestions for first, reality checking yourself and your perceptions, and second, finding ways to keep from going nuts over the frustration created by Golden Boy Syndrome.
Having said that, I present one large caveat before launching in to the rest of this entry- you should be spending the VAST majority of your time doing your job and furthering your won career by working diligently and with integrity, and very very little of your time and energy thinking about the Golden Ones. The reality, however, is that these situations can create lots of frustration for you and be totally demoralizing, so from time to time, you may need to step back and deal with the effects of Golden Boy/Girl Syndrome.
Step One: Check Yourself
Like it or not, there are times when our perceptions about situations like this are not correct. There is information we do not have, or the decision to anoint the Golden Boy is not coming from your boss, but from someone higher up in your company. Although it may be hard to do, before you conclude that Steve or Jane is a Golden Boy or Girl with no justification, do some fact-finding if you can. Here are some questions to ask yourself in this process, and Is it possible that you are not aware of things Steve or Jane is doing and that they are, in fact, really contributing in ways you do not see? See what you can do to answer this question without wasting too much time. Also, is it possible that forces outside your office have determined the status of the Golden One? Listen to water cooler-conversation and check in with colleagues. The fact is that sometimes folks in this position are there because of some political or litigious situation beyond your office environment. This, of course, is not good, but it is simply a fact of life sometimes, and knowing that may help you look at your boss’ situation in a different light.
Step Two: Support Yourself
So let’s assume that you’ve concluded that indeed, Steve or Jane fits the “Golden One” definition and that you are getting the short end of the stick at the office as a result. What can you do? Well, as tempting as it may be to complain about it (more about that later) your first and most effective strategy is to focus your attention away from the injustice at hand and do everything in your power to elevate yourself, do a fantastic job, act professionally and courteously, and distinguish yourself as the person Steve or Jane is purported to be- an invaluable, incredibly competent, member of the organization who deserves recognition. Here are some tips on how to accomplish this:
-Make every effort to get along well with your boss, your co-workers, and especially Steve or Jane. Although this last one is hard to swallow, the fact is that since your boss favors Steve or Jane, alienating the Golden One may very well jeopardize only your own career.
-Stop fretting about the injustice of the Golden Boy/Girl Syndrome and the special relationship Steve or Jane has with your boss and start improving your own relationship with him or her. Step up to the plate. Help others, even Steve or Jane. Do outstanding work. Make suggestions for improvements and offer to implement them. Be consistently professional, pleasant, and supportive of your boss and your co-workers.
-Don’t focus only on your own responsibilities. Look for and even ask for opportunities to take on more responsibility and to learn about other aspects of the business and office. Of course, do this only when and if you are knocking everything on your plate out of the park and truly have the capacity to take on more and shine.
Step Three: When to Say Something
Now the basic mantra I’ve been repeating so far is “keep your head down, work hard, and keep your mouth shut” when dealing with the Golden Boy/Girl Syndrome, but at some point there may be an opportunity to bring up your concerns about the injustice you see, and the fact that you are being passed over for promotions and raises in favor of Steve or Jane. There may come a point where despite your best efforts, you find your morale so low that you are on the verge of leaving or confronting the situation. If you find yourself in this position, there are some things to consider before you throw yourself on your sword, which is, potentially, what you’ll do when you broach this subject with your boss:
-Are you prepared to face the possible consequences of a poor outcome of this conversation? Further rewarding of Steve or Jane at your expense or termination? Be sure this is the hill you’re ready to die on, because you may have to despite your best efforts to be professional.
-Can you have the conversation without getting emotional? If not, do not have it. You should only bring this up if you are confident you can remain calm, cool, and collected through the conversation, otherwise the boss’ focus will be on your meltdown and not on what you said.
-When you have the conversation, frame it in a non-confrontational way if at all possible. For example, instead of saying “Why did Jane get a big raise last year and this year and I did not. If you look at her productivity and mine, you can clearly see that I am far more effective than she is, I always step up, my unit has no attrition and hers has tons, and she’s always asking others to do her work and then taking credit.”, say “As much as I hate to bring this up, I need to talk with you about something I’m having a hard time understanding. I suspect I don’t have all the information, but I’m hoping that after talking with you, I’ll have a better understanding of what’s going on and can put my concerns aside. I’m aware that Jane got a much larger pay raise than me in each of the last two years, and I’m feeling a little frustrated by that as I am working really hard and my evaluations are always at the top of the scale. Can we have a conversation about this, please?”
Bottom line: Tread carefully and Be True to Yourself
As totally and incredibly aggravating as the Golden Boy/Girl Syndrome is, and justifiably so, your primary job is to take care of yourself and your own career. Basically, act like someone your boss would want to promote and assign more responsibility to rather than spending time and energy stewing about how screwed you are because of the Golden One. If you really can’t tolerate the situation, you have to find a way out, or you may want to try to have a conversation with your boss, but be careful- it may come back to bite you, and the fact is that Golden Boys and Girls exist everywhere; your better strategy may be to find a way to support yourself as a way of dealing with your frustration about them.
By: Mary Coussons-Read